The Sex Materia
by Mad.Puppeteer
Summary: Have you ever had one of those days when you wake up to be the opposite sex? Bet you haven't. Unfortunately for Vincent Valentine, He has. A strange tale of how just a little gray rock can change people's lives. Opinions welcome!


Read, Inferior Webuser Units, READ!

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CHAPTER ONE- Look Ma, I''m a girl!

This is the story... of Sex Materia.

A very simple mistake in life, the Sex materia was _supposed_ to be a disguise materia for Shinra Inc. It was meant to be used for recruiting purposes for SOLDIER. Instead, it just accidentally changed the sex of the user, through a very gruesome process... for any one who was watching.

Vincent was in a state of no emotionally uprising activities being performed. Normal people call it boredom.

Ever since Sephiroth was supposedly defeated, poor Vincent had been bored for _months,_ just waiting for something exciting to happen.

Nibelheim was the most boring place on the continent, not including the Gold Saucer.

Nothing happened there. He couldn''t go back into a thirty-year sleep, for he had gotten all excited about saving the world. And he was dragged into the conflict whether or not he enjoyed it. Since the numbered men in black robes cleared, there was nothing to stare at and snicker about under his breath, even if he doesn''t laugh. He had absolutely no idea how Cloud and Tifa survived here.

There was _one_ exciting moment, though.

Vincent described it as irritating.

Reno came to visit the town and saw Vincent while he was outside.

""_Hey, look, it''s Vinnie.""_

""_Shut up, wanker.""_

""_What''s a wanker?""_

""_Never mind.""_

""_What is it?""_

""_JUST SHUT UP!""_

_He took out his pistol and aimed it in the exact middle of his forehead._

""_Okay... Sorry...""_

""_No you''re not""_

""_Yes I-.""_

_Vincent cocked his pistol._

""_I''M NOT SORRY!""_

""_Glad to hear the truth.""_

_Vincent lowered his weapon._

""_Closet emo..."" said Reno under his breath._

""_What was that, Reno, I didn''t quite hear you!""_

""_I CALLED YOU A-!""_

""-_You don''t even know what an emo is, besides...""_

_Vincent glared back at Reno._

""_Labeling is for can factories.""_

_Vincent fired a warning shot. Reno flinched._

""_Out, Reno, unless you want another warning shot... in your gut.""_

_He fired again and Reno scurried away._

""_Sewer rat.""_

_That was a month ago_, thought Vincent.

He looked out of a window from the mansion and saw children playing near the fountain. They were playing tag. Vincent did not quite understand the concept of tag, nor did he understand the fun of it. They just ran around, tapping each other.

He exited the house and walked over to Mount Nibel. Surprisingly, he found Barret.

Barret was a stranger to him, for they never conversed. They barely looked at each other. So this... was an awkward situation.

""Hey Barret,"" said Vincent, in monotone.

""Hey, Vinnie,"" said Barret.

Vincent was quite upset at this. Not the way he greeted him, but the fact that Barret called him Vinnie. He found that quite horrid considering the memory of the last person who used that nickname.

""Please don''t call me that again,"" commanded Vincent, ""It''s quite irritating.""

""Why the hell are you so touchy?"" asked Barret.

""How would you feel if all you did for ten months was watch kids play tag?"" cried Vincent with pain.

There was an awkward silence.

""What the hell is tag?""

""I don''t have a clue!""

"" ''Ey, wassat?""

""Hmm?""

Vincent looked in his direction. Barret pointed behind Vincent. There was a small, grey ball. It had a smooth, glassy texture.

""Materia,"" said Vincent.

Vincent went to pick it up. He held it up to his eye.

""This is...""

""Weird?"" asked Barret.

""No," Vincent said simply.

"Awkward..?" Barret guessed.

"No."

"Strange?" Barret asked, trying to find the word Vincent was looking for.

"...Yeah..." Vincent said slowly.

Suddenly, the grayish colour of the mysterious materia swirled, rapidly changing into an eye-blinding hot pink colour. Sparks of electricity snaked around the surface of the materia.

"What the-" Barret started.

Beams of electricity shot out of the materia, shocking Vincent, and knocked him unconscious.

"-hell?"

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What do you think? Opinions are welcome!


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